I haven’t always been a good news kind of girl. Matter of fact, for a very long time … I anticipated bad news. Always. It was because I saw my teacher murdered by a student at my school when I was only 14 years old.
After that, I still loved God but I didn’t trust him. I struggled to believe the things I read like: “I have good plans for your life. Plans for a hope and a future.” Promises like, “All things work out for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose.” I wanted to believe that kind of good news. But I just couldn’t.
And for a very long time, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.
At a young age, I devised a plan to love God … but distrust him.
I became a ‘good Christian girl’ with a guarded heart. It was entirely exhausting. Because when you love someone but you don’t trust them – the relationship is tiresome. And when you love God but you don’t trust him – you try and take care of yourself. And that is a very big job. But I kept at it for years. Actually over a decade. And then something happened that wrecked my big job.
I went on a hike in Colorado. It started in a dense forest – on a wide path. Simple and easy. Everybody was going in the same direction – and seeing all the same things.
Tall things.
Small things.
But then I saw something that no one else noticed …
it was because God caught my attention.
Years ago, a fire ravaged that forest. And in the fire – many things died. Everywhere I looked I saw evidence of the burn. Charred, fallen trees – things that lost life. But springing up beneath the ashes, there were little bits of new growth. Tiny seedlings fighting for a chance at life.
And on that forest trail, I discovered a truth.
Like the forest, my soul experienced a burn. And the question God was asking was this … would I focus my life perspective always on the burn?
or on the hope of new growth?
In the forest, God presented a truth too big to contain. And a love too generous to deny. He was asking for my trust again … and I gave it back to him. Then slowly but surely, I started to turn my focus back to the good news. Because I understood – as if for the first time – that God can be trusted. In all things. That his love is enormous enough to accompany my soul through the burn – and plant hope on the other side.
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Beautifully written. I can relate to your feelings. Thank you for sharing this!
Beautiful testamony.
So glad I read this. What you describe is what I’ve struggled with for much of my Christian journey, but God keeps working in my life and heart to not let me stay stuck. He keeps showing me He is the ONE who is faithful and trustworthy. Now that God has led me to your blog, I look forward to reading and catching up on what He’s doing in your life :)
Susie–I, for God’s reason, didn’t see this back in October when you wrote it–because He meant me to see it today. Today when, after YEARS of “little” (so I thought) disobediences, I have finally obeyed and allowed Him to show me the growth beneath the burn. When I have finally opened myself up to the fact that I don’t NEED that “protecting wall” anymore that I built many, many years ago. A wall built to protect myself from the harm that was all around me for a time. A wall that served it’s purpose, in a way, but had now become my hiding place–where I was warm and comfortable–where I had convinced myself that it was just “part of my make-up and who I am”. But these are all lies, based on Pride and this Wall must come down, once and for all! I had hidden part of myself under that burn that ISN’T meant to be hidden! It’s meant to be regrown, and made more beautiful than EVER! Praise GOD for that burn–because without it, my new growth wouldn’t be what it is now! Thanks for God’s PERFECT timing! Have a blessed weekend…thanks for blessing mine!
Love and peace to you, friend.
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this, Susie :) What an incredible testimony of His faithfulness and how He pursues our hearts!
Oh, that planting of hope on the other side is such a beautiful picture of grace. Thank you for sharing it with us this morning!
Hope. God’s divine love is powerful enough to re-direct us when we feel displaced, confused, and/or heart broken. Praising Him tonight for his extreme passion in growing our faith!
I really needed this today…struggling with the possibility of losing my job after 25 years and the fear and anxiety that goes with it.
Oh Emily. I am praying for you today. Much love and comfort to you.
Amazing! Love your testimony, and love the new life God brings!