Three weeks ago, I wanted to move. Downsize. Will and I even looked around at houses. May I just say, there is nothing as unsettling as looking for houses. Especially when you don’t have permission to leave where you are. Oh, yes. I flew up a little prayer. Something like, “God, please let us know if you want us to move …” and followed with a, “Come on, Will, let’s troll the neighborhood for a house with a view.”
My husband is so sweet. And he wants me happy. So on the anniversary of our 27th year of marriage, we drove all over Austin creeping on houses with signs in the front yard. Charming.
Apparently, I was ‘un-nesting.’ Pulling myself apart because I was sad. Mentally dismantling my home because I desperately wanted everything in my life to stay the same. I know. So weird. But I was grasping at something, anything to soothe the changes taking place in our family life.
Selfishly, I wanted to keep all my little birds in the nest. To keep life from marching on. And on and on. I know I must not be alone in this …
Then yesterday at Roxann’s, I spied this little nest sitting on her patio table. It’s so perfect, I thought it was some pricey boutique store purchase. But, no. Roxann explained they found it. Abandoned in her backyard. Just sitting there all gorgeous. And empty.
And all I could think about is my gorgeous empty nest. How right where I am is piled high with tiny twigs, delicate and fragile, painstakingly woven together. Carefully placed one upon the other, year after year. Constructed in love. Managed in prayer. Maintained even through missteps.
And suddenly I realized with enormous, humbling gratitude that my home, this nest … is God’s story. A story of five people in a family. And it is a masterwork. Not of my efforts but pieced together by grace.
I stared at that nest on the table. And suddenly realized, in my discomfort, I chose not to trust Him. For a shift in seasons, I became discontent with all the gifts He has lavished year after year after year … would I now throw a fit and smash it to pieces?
No.
Instead, meek and small, I will return to God with my broken heart and my messed up thinking. I will hold tight to my faith when I feel that sharp pain return. And I will give thanks. Endlessly. Breathlessly. For this gift. Of being a mother. And building a nest. One that is now empty of children but I pray, will be filled full of Him.
Maybe you are in an unsettling season. One that needs more of Him. How might I pray for you? You are welcome to leave a comment or send me a message here.
The reason birds can fly and we can’t is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. ~ J.M. Barrie
more mothering posts: part time mothers * savoring the picture perfect moments * post prom monday
Feathering Sara’s Nest
Susie, just beautiful, as always! Hugs, my sweet friend. As a Mom of a 25 and 27, I too, have an empty nest. It is bittersweet. Always, I miss them though. <3
Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your heart.
You always minister to me. I can totally relate!
With two teens 14 and almost 18, we are getting closer to that season. Thank you for this post. Sometimes I am deep in the muck of despair to think that my kids would WANT to be anywhere but with us at home. On a good day, I am reminded to be thankful for their friendships, their active lives, and their happiness. Thank you for the reminder to give thanks at every stage! Love ya Susie! ~Sally
I have the 15 yr teen girl that thinks she”s 20, and the 12 yr son ,and our last little 5yr old girl . There is never a dull moment. Thanks for these readings today! I needed to read and hear this today! Thanks So much!!!!
Empty nest is a time of transition back to how life was prior to having children. It is a time for self discovery of what you enjoy doing either as a couple or individually without having to give thought to anyone else. When you go to a hotel and want to go to the pool, you will not go in if it is full of kids! (That is until the grandchildren are with you) I have found it to be a time where I have the time and freedom to give back to those less fortunate. Austin has a myriad of opportunities to serve others. It does take some time to get in a routine without your children’s activities keeping you busy. Hope this helps!
After my infertility drugs failed, we became foster parents. We adopted #5, knowing that she had problems but my husband and she had fallen in love at first sight. We also adopted a biracial newborn in the midst of the 48 foster kids. She is now 30-left at 18 after years in psych wards, residential treatment, and has 3 kids who have all been adopted. She has spent 10 of the last 12 years in jail or prison. Eery time she gets out and comes home, she steals from me again. While our son is still at home, he is a chef and when he breezes in and out, it is hi and bye. I have been increaasingly disabled for over 10 years. Last July, I went cold turkey off of my 10 daily pain pills. Now I sit alone and remember the days that were too long, the noghts too short, my energy running on empty, too many things to do, and kids under foot at every step. I will never be alone…those kids are part of me and the memories of being SO needed sustain me.
Oh, wow. Cathy.
Gosh, I am praying for you. For the kids you fostered & adopted. For your gigantic heart towards serving others.
For God to heal your pain. I’d give you a big hug if I could.
Much love & peace to you.
The only thing worse is when you have gotten use to your empty nest, got your empty nest exactly like you want it, love your empty nest and then one of your little birds has to come back (lost his job).
I am grateful God has made provisions for me so that I can help him….I love him….but I can’t wait to have my empty nest back.
You made me laugh this morning. Thank you. ;)