Well hello, 2013. I am tempted to greet you aggressively. With a big, sharp, pointy list of RESOLUTIONS in hand.
I want to charge out: A warrior on a horse, my personal to-do list a sword. Ready to attack the things I’d like to change about myself. Things obvious. And things hidden.
For me, 2012 is awash with things I never did do. Or didn’t do well. Chock full of personal and professional fails. So this idea of RESOLUTIONS is more than appealing. Out with the old, in with the new. Purge, purge, purge. Ditch the old me for a fresh, fixed-up new me. The me that finally and completely does everything I should do and all I want to do. Sign me up.
And yet I realize if I construct a sharp, pointy list of RESOLUTIONS ~ there is a strong possibility I will turn it on myself when I fail. It might be a couple days … or just hours … but oh yes, I’ll fail to meet the standards I set for myself. And then there will be remorse and shame. And a heaping help of self-loathing. And that’s when I’ll use the sword to stab at myself. For failing to meet my expectations.
This year, I decided I won’t be falling on the sword of my own expectations. As best I’m able, I am abstaining from goal making and self ideation.
Instead of treating today like some kind of special starting line for my personal success, I am handing myself over to God. I’m letting Him figure me out. (He is so much better at this … ) And I’m going to let Him call the shots on what needs fixing.
I imagine He is much less concerned with my weight than I am. Much less bothered about an impending book proposal. Probably couldn’t care less if my garage gets cleaned out. And He is the only One able to really see what’s at the heart of me ~ and fix the important things.
God treats me like His child. Because I am. To Him, I am not a project to complete or a problem to fix. Just a special someone to love and guide and be with. God is so much nicer to me than I am to myself. I am grateful for that.
Not trying at all to hate on New Year’s resolutions but if you’re hard on yourself, you might give God a try. Release yourself from all those self-imposed expectations and say a little prayer. He’s listening. He wants to help. And gracious, He loves you more than anyone.
Thanks, God.
And hello 2013 …
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
PS. Yes, that’s a picture of Grace Grace …
I was journaling the other day (something I don’t do all the time because my mind thinks faster than my hand can write…my husband calls me GumSmoke because he says I can talk so fast my gums smoke….I’ll leave that alone for now….). I said no to resolutions too. It’s just another way for the Evil one to slap me around if I don’t complete it or don’t accomplish it to perfection. there are some goals I set…mainly because I will occasionally come upon some free time and I can refer to this list for a good project. But if I choose not to do them then it’s my choice.
I did write out a long prayer to God telling Him my heart. It was much longer than I thought it would be butit felt good to lay it all out. I think He will be gentler on myers than I am….and maybe more creative and more fun. Just a thought. Why did it take reaching 50 to figure some of this stuff out?
By the way, I figured something else put today. I read your blog through an RSS reader. Not sure I like it because I get behind and it takes more work to comment. Happy New Year! A few days late….
Ahh, thanks Susie for once again keeping things in perspective. I’ve jumped off the “Resolution Train” too. God bless you in 2013!