The following is an excerpt from Uncovered: Revealing the Secrets of a Sexy Marriage. In the book, I interviewed married men. These guys love their wives and honor their marriage. They’ve all been married at least a decade. They’re businessmen: contractors, salesmen, CEOs, and ministers. They represent your “everyman”—the guy next door.
That said: It might surprise to read what they’re thinking about …
For lunch, would you prefer a really good cheeseburger or a rendezvous in bed with your wife?
John: You’re joking, right?
Jack: I am surprised you thought a silly cheeseburger might stand up to a nooner. Not even in the same universe.
Carson: A cheeseburger, served in bed, with my wife is optimal. Okay . . . silly answer to a silly question. If my wife offered me a rendezvous where I didn’t have to play games with wondering whether she was going to be open to the idea or not, I’d take that in a minute. If it is the burger versus the having to play the right part, walking on eggshells, wondering if she has changed the mating ritual this week and whether I will have the right ritual to impress the female, I’d rather have the burger. At least then I know where I stand.
Chad: I love cheeseburgers and sex (although not necessarily at the same time). I have turned down a cheeseburger meal but can’t think of a time I have turned down a rendezvous in bed with my wife …
How much time elapses, during a typical day, between your thoughts about sex?
Barry: That’s a challenging question, because for men, if we’re honest, we wrestle with temptation all the time, and that messes with our healthy, right thoughts about sex with our spouses. I wish that women in our culture understood that more about men in general. We’re not all perverted (although we’re all clearly tainted), but we are attracted by the visual, and many women simply don’t get that in how they dress. The other complication is that I at least also find myself pondering a lot whether my wife is also interested at a given time. On the one hand, that’s good, because I do want to be sensitive to her needs, time, and desires; but on the other hand, I can also simply avoid trying. So my answer is that I think about it often (whatever that is) but on a variety of levels that are often complicated, messy, and challenging. I know I have learned to be less analytical over time. But hopefully there’s still time for more maturing. Clear as mud, right?
Jack: Have you ever tried to study with the radio on? Thinking about sex is kind of like good music continuously playing in the background . . . it’s always on so you just learn to work around it.
Carson: I’ve been married for twenty years now. I try really hard not to think about sex, because it is just frustrating to think about what you won’t likely get. Sometimes I feel like I’m either too lazy or too beat down to do anything about it. And there doesn’t appear to be anything I can do about it since my oath to God was a holy covenant to love, cherish, and honor my wife ’til death do us part. And death hasn’t set in . . . yet. As repressed as I am, still maybe an hour or two between.
Michael: Not a—sex—whole—sex—lot—sex sex sex—of time.